(Star Wars music) – You’re going down, big boy,
the dark side never wins. – Not so fast, dame, that means I’ll win because you’re the Sith. – No I’m not, look at my
light saber, it’s blue. Yours is red which means
you’re the Sith, you fool. – You’re not gonna fool me, dolly. This one’s not red, yours is. – No, look closer. – Well, gee willikers, that is bluish. Wait a tic, does that
mean I’m the bad guy? (yells) – Nope, I am, gotcha! (evilly laughs) Dark side! – I don’t know how to say
this, so I’ll be blunt. You’ve been infected with Star Wars. – How bad? What stage of Star Wars do I have? – It’s bad. – Remastered original trilogy bad? – Phantom Menace.
– No! (triumphant music) – Starwars. – Ben?
– Don’t call me that. My name is Kylo Ren now. – Your name is Ben, and you’re my son. – Your son is dead.
– How can I help you? – I need you to do something for me. – Anything. (yells) (triumphant music) – Stur Wurs. – Stop it, Star Wars,
get down here right now. You used to be good, but
now you’re bad, Star Wars. (yells) No, I don’t want any more
of your (bleep), Star Wars. (triumphant music) – Stork Wars. – Eh, welcome to Southie, we’re shooting Star Wars over here. – Don’t go the dark side, Luke. – Hey, I never go to the dark side, Leia, light side’s wicked as (bleep). – Alright, okay.
– Uh-huh. – Oh, what’s up brother.
– Down with whitey. – Ooh, that’s right. – Space fight. – Dad, this is my boyfriend. – What do you mean, boyfriend? – Okay, so you know how in
baseball, there’s like– – I don’t play baseball. – Okay so you know when
you’re fishing normally– – I’ve never fished in my entire life. – Okay, you know how the Star Wars prequel trilogy sucked dick? – Yeah.
– He’s my prequel trilogy. – Oh, you’re gay! Oh, that’s fantastic. Hey, you guys wanna watch
Empire Strikes Back? – Yes, please!
– Yeah. (triumphant music)