I’m feeling quite relaxed and my sort of
softening as I look at you if your summit are your eyes hazel color
what’s your experience right now I’m feeling sad little sadness mm-hmm you
know if that’s connected to sometimes I wonder if I pick up on the
other person since I’m so empathic tell me about being empathic I mean I’m
asking you the question and I’ll say something about myself before I invite
your answer because some although I’m good at
practicing empathy you could say in a you know in a therapeutic setting and in
being genuinely interested in people I mean as a person in my life and my
relationships I know that that that doesn’t I don’t know how to describe it
it’s not that doesn’t come naturally in the sense that I do care a lot about the
people around me but in terms of a like a natural ability to just you know
really be with people without a kind of conscious effort I actually find that
more difficult so that’s my own personal struggle so when you say that I’m like
oh okay I’m interested in in that about you and I’d like to hear more mm-hmm
well I guess my experience with it has been just learning to sort of you
know feel into what’s mine and what I’m picking up from other people and then to
you know either I mean if it calls for it you know maybe talk to them about it
since I’m a life coach Knight knew that kind of work but also you know letting
it go if it doesn’t belong to me otherwise they’d come to sponge and
carry around all this stuff mmm I used to live in Manhattan so I’d go on
the subway and then you’ll get home and feel a certain way like why do I feel
this way and I didn’t understand at that time but I realized I pick up people’s
energy hmm I don’t have that problem which is you know good and bad you know
I have some sensitivity to other people but I don’t have that spongy experience
you’re describing so how does that work for you in your personal life I mean I guess I can use it for you know
good I suppose yeah you know I I like it in and when I use it and when I’m being
conscious of it when I’m using in a conscious way mm-hmm
to really be with the person to understand their experience and that’s
why I tend to have people come up even from the street and just start telling
me their seek their darkest secrets and they don’t even they even say like I
don’t know why I’m telling you this so does I feel like it’s because I can hold
that space for them I can go into it with them yes when I first sat with you
and I felt myself softening I think that was my natural experience I could just
yeah somehow is easy to do that with you yeah
and that brings me joy yes so I was talking to a previous
session about my speeding up and I noticed how it’s easy to slow down with
you and I’m interested in hearing a little
bit more if you want to share about how this does work in your personal
relationships so you kind of managing to face some waves and it works well in a
sense that people feel relaxed with you or they open up to you to tell me about
how else that is for you what was interesting and I’m not sure if it
relates or not but I was telling Theo that I’ve been having I had two dreams
the last couple of nights about taking like taking on my sisters problems so it
kind of came to mind just because I was thinking well since I take on energy I
was wondering if it might be correlated so I mean I don’t know if you may I tell
you about the dreams quiet yeah sure so two nights ago I had a dream that I
had to or not had to what I took the burden off my sister and I wore these
fake teeth and they became very uncomfortable and I couldn’t speak and
at some point I just got fed up with it and because I couldn’t do anything so
then I said I’m sorry Jamie that’s her name I have to take these out so I took
them out and she was a little upset and she’s and then she had to pay for them
or something and I was like well you’re a big girl you can pay for them yourself
and so that how I was that one dream and then last night I dreamt that I was
dealing with her ex-wife and then and her neediness and almost like taking the
place of my sister and I’m not sure why I was like taking her place but yet
again two nights in a row mm-hmm almost felt like I was taking on her burdens so you’d do that too like I guess so I
mean yes so I mean do you do that like in your life in terms of taking on
burdens in some sense of people here close to yeah like that’s what a
tendency to be the rescuer right so how does that work for you um it gets in my
way a lot and I forget about myself so I’ve
definitely got to my mom my whole life kind of looked at her like ma she’s my
daughter mm-hmm tried to save her and then I
think I lose my that identity when I try to let it go and focus on myself even
though I’d spend my inner message but I guess it’s scary cuz that’s I’m not used
to that hmm so then I try to find someone else who I can help
yeah almost like it’s interesting I think lately see NASA’s bringing up some
emotion mm-hmm I can see where I keep trying to find
someone who wants similar things but I do and then I want to be their
assistance and I want to help them have that because it would be like I guess I
mean then living through them because I don’t feel like I can have it I may be
out worthy or something so what’s the feelings that come up right now like a disappointment maybe more
frustration with myself hmm so is that a like a well-worn criticism
of yourself like there I go again or that’s not so much I think there I feel
the patience inside of myself like maybe that I feel both like the patients but
also that like come on get with it yeah so I guess there is probably bull when
you say assistant like tell me a little bit more about that like exactly do you
mean hmm I guess maybe that’s more comfortable for me but when I say
assistant the helper the one only looks the other person up right okay like with
your mother oh it’s Cinderella or something okay alright that’s a real serving role
mm-hmm behind the scenes kind of thing kind of feelings come up yeah you can sort of benefit from someone
else’s shining or the success of yeah cuz like that may be the only way wrong
experience it rod that’s the Cinderella bit and yet you’re beautiful it’s like
it’s like you you know you are beautiful and so kind of your Cinderella is like
you can’t really shine or something or you can only shine if other people shine
you know you can’t be in the forefront would tell me like more about that I
guess I just I think I’ve made it unsafe you know every time I think about doing
it and I have everything I you know need to step forward the inner callings
they’re everything but if I do that then I become unsafe and I’ll be you know put
in the place where I can be judged or rejected or
the fear so the Safety’s in being the assistant and step behind someone can
support them to to greatness because I feel like I can be a part of the
greatness and part of the team but not like the one to take boss you know why
mine or what I’ve heard now tell me about what you feel in your
body right now so we talk about this constriction here my throat mm-hmm the rest of my body is vibrating
vibrating tell me about the vibrating mmm just with joy mmm-hmm
I think it’s because the last exercise I got really present one day I was going
so I can just feel my whole body Oh vibrating with joy that’s part of I
guess your beauty as I experience it what happens when I say that to you I’m
here me sad I don’t know I stay with that sadness
yeah well I’m putting you in the limelight when I do that you can kind of be beautiful behind the
scenes it’s a bit unsafe to be too exposed in
that because do you know like what what that is what will happen or it’s just
the feeling of unsafe tea I mean it just brings back like
experiences of childhood when I felt exposed and then got you know rejected
from a group of friends or different things made fun of it whatever
yeah that’s experiences my experiences yeah right is the one that could curse to you right
now those experiences they thinking about yes it’s one of one that comes to
me you know still it felt very traumatic yeah it was a being at the lunch table
and then a bunch of the girls decided just to you know get a basically count
and get up and leave me at the table and then go and to a different table so I
felt very abandoned yeah rejected it’s about as Extreme as it gets in some ways
literally abandoned and rejected by consciously and deliberately ouch how
old were you I was probably 12 particular vulnerability at that age
where the transition right you know so that’s stayed with you like something in that scenario maybe I
must have made it mean I was sticking out for some reason and they all you
know decided they had been talking about a fictitious character for weeks and I
didn’t know who it was and it was me so it was like and then that was the day
I want to try to admit together that was the day I realize it and they left the
table so is couch right said that was very deliberate and very intentional and
wasn’t just like a spontaneous in the moment thing right yeah I can feel the
out just like you described that so yeah whatever made me stand out I think I
decided to go ahead and suppress mm-hmm I mean my organic response when you
described this saying is I want to be there and sort of sit next to you and
you know kind of like be there for you in that place just I know what it’s like to be
excluded so kind of sensitivity towards that and concern about that I don’t like
to see that matters to me so in this case you matter to me that
that’s happening to you in a situation that strikes a chord because I don’t think I thought anyone
cared mmm well they didn’t and that place so he is a different scenario because
the tables are turned instead of you being there for someone else someone me
in this sense is here for you in this place a lot of construction here but I also held like the backpack here present just relax your jaw a little bit that’s right joy like happiness like memorizing yeah we got an image of a raft uh-huh just
like cozy raft mm-hmm yeah tell me more about that
I just came cozy raft and well like I don’t know um I think I think I was in
the water and the ships right here and then there’s this raft and I just cut
off mm-hmm and also just feeling like it’s okay you know like very mother
mothering hmm see it’s okay uh-huh well if it’s the
kind mother voice like it’s safe to let that go
that thing I guess the memory right okay you seem to have quite a capacity to
feel joy yeah just touched and delighted by that yeah I feel like when I just
kind of get out of the way it’s just there
mm just like let it and I noticed that I definitely kind of stifle it because
people as soon as I feel like they don’t that’s the word like they don’t know how
to react to my joy and soon as they get weirded out or no not really I don’t
know it’s weird I’m not really sure but maybe I feel bad feeling unhappy right
and then they don’t know and then I felt that I wasn’t like just kind of stop it
down a little bit like give it yeah I’m delighted good yeah and you shine in a particular way
when you’re joyful and I appreciate appreciate they they feel warmed and
touched by my heart feels fluttery now whereas before those pain mm-hmm yeah I think I’m a little afraid of my
joy mm-hmm like it’s gonna rep like a volcano and I don’t know what to do with
oh wow of a kind of joy that’s like quite
something that’s a wonderful image of a what if you allow yourself just now to
go with that image to you know I know that it’s safe here and I’m okay with
that I’m encouraging you to become a volcano erupting with joy tell me about what you’re seeing or what
you’re feeling so much freedom in it and I just it goes like this mm-hmm I fell expose are you okay with that
exposure right now with me trying to be okay well then I’ll say something about
myself you know as you’re sliding a volcano joy
and I’m sitting here with you and I’m kind of getting a little bit of an image
of know you and and so it’s like I’m feeling a little showered in a way with
it you’re joyous as you let it out and that feels really good I’m gratefully
receiving that something yeah you’re giving to me and some spontaneous way or
I’m benefiting from by being around you and and I’m also a little amazed that’s
like a judgment it’s like wow you can do that I’m almost a little envious because
I’m like that’s really cool I have a lot of positive judgments I’d like to have a
little more of that so I’m vicariously getting something
from your ability to flow mm-hmm no that makes it far safer I see pieces of like gold flaking out
mmm and I’m feeling the gold settling on me very expensive no and if if I was to
make a comparison I would say I’d prefer this experience with you rather than you
being empathic with my sadness because in that case you’re sort of tuning in to
me and and I appreciate that I but this is more like your kind of spontaneously
overflowing with who you are and and I benefit in a different way and now I’m curious mmm if there’s a
time and place for both or I’m wondering well I mean I’m sure there is in some
universe or why that different ways of being you know for different situations
given what you described about your context I’m I’m a little weary about
your empathy as beautiful as it is and as good as it feels because you know it
sounds connected with a way of being in the world that’s sort of a bit
compensate or historical experiences and yet I realized that that’s what’s
familiar to you and you’re you’re well-practiced at that and it’s got its
benefits as well no I guess it can be both can find what works for you I know
that this was really early mmm good and natural like this is my natural state I
just haven’t really just remember mm-hmm well I like your natural state look like a little kid like giddy mm
like let’s go explore the world yeah hmm yeah and I want to follow your
leadership hmm yeah I’ll come exploring with you what do you feel when I say
that it feels really validating leadership spend something I’ve wanted
to have and to be and been working toward it taking programs and you know
gonna be knows it got it in yourselves in a way that no program could ever
teach and most people find very hard to access and I have no doubt that if you just be
yourself in this way that people will follow because that’s very attractive hmm hmm no I feel like a staleness like
a closing down any said that yeah tell me about that I think it’s that part I
mean that’s like uh uh like we’re not doing this all the time this is way too
exposing ah yeah fair enough okay understand yeah yes the empathy is
less exposing although you do the sponge thing but it’s more it’s a safer
position yeah and I appreciate that safety is important in all this – you’ve
got to find the right ground for you and yes it’s safe here it’s been relatively
safe but if you end up too exposed or you move too fast with that right hmm
everyone my leisure room that would be okay I’m sorry for you finding a way to do
this in a way that isn’t too risky I really feel your support mmm I think I’m realizing I need this type
of support in my life again yeah I had like a life coach a couple years ago
similar support no I haven’t had it for awhile in this relationship mm-hmm I think I try to use my mom or friends or
whatever but it’s not quite yeah yeah well I’ve really appreciated your
sharing yourself with me in your joy and your who you are I’ve really been a
great experience for me so so I want to say thank you mmm thank you so much yeah very warm I started feeling warm
and I feel woman a kind of a different way now like one more so because I know
a little bit more about you might have gone on a little journey with you experienced the golden volcano warmth as
well as your empathic what do you feel right now just joy it’s my judgment positive
judgment cool okay so I’ll close the session off now
yeah thank you yes thank you so if you want to just stay there and invite
feedback well I had one very immature and most of
the session and that was a child playing in the southern front some neurons
length they see nature and say something about the emotional
impact on you and feed them so you felt your freedom of movement it was very much aware of the critical
voice of you know having done something that was having the experiences and then
this critical voice is always taught don’t do this don’t do that definitely understood the safety part of
it being like that could be a female journey also at a party for you now
joining us being feeling safe and someone else being great part of
something but not necessarily being that yourself that’s not ready but in trying
to stay in the feminine I’m feeling support
that how important is to feel support it’s almost like you don’t need very
much of it but just to be able to feel some support from somewhere right the gold in the middle okay thank you