Oh God! We nearly have them! Mr. Dukes, you know what to do. Aye Aye! Sir! Oh yeah…. Oh yeah! Oh yeah!! Uuuuh!! Oh! Oooh uuuh Oh! Uh! Afix Oars! Cap’n! The fanboys are upset. They’ve stopped shovelling money into the console. I’m sick of this shit! My mom’s not made of money you know. God! Shit! Fuck! Dammit! Give ’em Destiny 2! Give ’em anything! Give ’em another Halo game! Who gives a shit!? But captain it’s not ready… They can’t tell the difference! No… No! Ah! Let me stay! I only taste 720p. it’s okay, but… Oh Gosh! This needs a patch if I’ve ever tasted one! When did our fanboys become so cynical? And hard to please? (Cheering) We’ll have fresh, less cunty fanboys soon
enough cap’n Engage the slanted bastards! Standby for Titanfall. (Fanboys screaming) Deploy net! (Sounds of violence) Sir… they’re… killing each other… It’s okay Mr. Dukes. The strong shovel money faster. Let nature take its course. Just wait until I get my hands on them! Row faster! Row faster you filthy slut! You’re fuckin’ Bowser and probably fuck that monkey too! (Screeching) Uh… Dude… Mobile gaming! Run away man! Ruuuuuun! Mr. Dukes! Get the men in order! Every Xbox for themselves! And that’s how the consoles died… What!? But mobile gaming’s fucking gay! I know, I know. Muffin’ tops. Heh. Mmmm… Uuuuh… Had the consoles united… perhaps things would’ve been different. But ultimately… (Sexual groans) Well, what happened on the other ship? Well… Click on my penis to find out! Go ahead… give it a nice hard click. That’s right, I tell ya, it’s full of content!